Lifethrumylense

Hello! The last time I posted, I said I’d be back here every other week and that has not come anywhere close to happening. I have been busy. If not busy with uni, I’ve been busy trying to forget about all the things I have to do for uni. Not only am I physically exhausted and so ready to complete my last few semesters online (from the comfort of my bed) but I’m also emotionally exhausted. Looking at the list of tasks I have to complete is the most debilitating experience ever. Despite the many negative things that this semester has brought, there are some positives that make it not feel so bad.

I’ve really enjoyed most of my classes so far, especially, my printmaking class. Printmaking has been on my bucket list of ‘things that I would love to learn but have no idea where to start’. I knew I had to take the opportunity when I saw the class as I was looking for possible electives. I’m eight weeks in and I definitely made the right decision but of course, there is a but. One of my many task this semester, is creating an academic art journal for this class and while I understand the skills we are gaining through this, it’s just a lot. Somehow, I have to find the time to read for both of my English classes, write notes from lectures, come up with content ideas, edit and produce media for my media and comm class, write essays, prepare for presentations AND draw and produce intellectual analyses for my journal. I am knackered.

But! I have made some real pretty prints that I am proud of and my journal is coming along well. Hopefully by the time this post is up I would have finally finished the last few pages and be moving on to yet another task. I’m also proud of the connections I’ve made this semester. I have met some truly wonderful people who I look forward to seeing every day. My library buddies, fellow artists and aspiring engineers (we’ll get back to this). My favourite part of the day is seeing them all and having our little support group rants about how horrible this semester has been. I probably would have cried a little bit more if not for them, so, thanks guys for helping me save tears for later! One friend I haven’t been able to see that much is my day one homie Grace. We did have a cute ice-cream date which I of course didn’t take any useable photos of but Gracie has made it to this post anyway.

Back to my engineering friends! After complaining about the many many things I have to do, the last thing that would be expected of me to say right now, is that I have become the social media manager of a club. Best and worst decision of my life. I really wanted to join a club this semester and meet new people, I did accomplish that… in the most time-consuming way possible. I do have a lot of fun and I love listening to the new nerdy engineers I have become friends with, yap about stuff I don’t understand. They’re some of the most effortlessly funny people I have met and getting content for the club is never too hard when they’re just so… them. It is time consuming but it feels so worth it.

I haven’t had the time to take many photos recently. Partially because parking at uni is a headache so I take the bus most of the way. Which means I’d have to make my trek with my book bag and my camera bag, which, just isn’t happening. When I go on walks, I enjoy just being in nature. The last thing I want to do sometimes is take a photo. I did manage to take a few some weeks ago (then proceeded to forget I took them), so, here there are. Nothing too special, just a walk I thought was beautiful.

Another thing that has been a little neglected is my Bible challenge. I’ve fallen behind and I have no idea if I’ll ever catch up. I feel like I failed before the year even picked up and right about now, I’d usually have something encouraging to say but I’m all out of positive words. I hope that my next life update will be different but at the moment, so many things seem to be slipping through the cracks. Even the things that are most important to me feel like they have to be put on the back burner if I want to survive this semester. Which is sad, I wish all of the things I loved could fit together more seamlessly. Or maybe I’m just terrible at managing it all. Either way, I’m trying my best and hoping it will be enough. My mom would tell me that it is enough and she’d have lots of positive words to say right now. “Just keep going” is kind of her moto and I want to embody that resilience someday.

I have been writing poems a bit more recently. Which is good and bad – the creative poet juices usually only flow in times of crisis. Which shows the current state of my mental health but I have written something other than an essay! A win lose but a win none the less, I can get behind it. I tend to be a little more protective of my poetry, it’s a space of expression and comfort that I find scary to let people into. Humans don’t tread lightly on fragile things sometimes and I like having only positive feelings in my poetry space. Some things are just yours sometimes and my rad lyrics are just that – mine. I encourage the writers who are reading this to keep something of yours for yourself. Sharing with others doesn’t mean you have to give all of you. It’s more than ok to be selfish with your peace and you can do that while giving other parts of yourself.

To bring my blab to a close, I am not going to promise that I’ll be back in a specific time frame. That did not work last time and only made me feel guilty but I will promise to keep going. No matter how little, I will keep writing, drawing, taking photos, playing my guitar and reading my Bible. Some days it all feels a little futile but I refuse to lose parts of myself. I’ve always been unapologetically me and I wouldn’t be me without those things. So, I’ll keep going. But the count down to my last day of uni starts now (586 days to go).

Just a girl and her camera